Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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