Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
