What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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