The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
