do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
