so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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