is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
