it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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