Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
