remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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