We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
