I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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