I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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