Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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