Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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