I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
