Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As shirtless as possible
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
