I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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