dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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