I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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