My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
