Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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