Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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