I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
