Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
