My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize