TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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