Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
