U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
