I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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