and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
