The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
