the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
