2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
