Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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