Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
