I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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