Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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