Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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