Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
