she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
