WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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