margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
