Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there is puke in my bra ... again
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