That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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