alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
