come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
