I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
