my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
