And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
