If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
