Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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