it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
