The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
