took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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