I seem to have left my pride at pride
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I color on your dick again?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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