let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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