Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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