do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pants are for mortals
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
