Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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