Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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