hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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