Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
