I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
