Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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