worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
