Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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