I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
