His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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