Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
