Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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