How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
