Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
